just a square of red

Light it up red

It feels like coming out all over again.

And I don’t have any desire to explain this yet in a way that most people will understand.

When you come out as LGBT in some form, some (straight) people think it is kind to say:

“You’re not really though, are you? Do you think this can be explained another way?”


“Well you don’t seem so to me!”


“Aren’t we all a bit queer anyway?”

As if having spent so many years feeling like you were swimming upstream, you had finally realised you weren’t a salmon after all.

And as you slip, joyfully through the byways and over the rainbow-shimmered waterfalls and the rivers less swum, the other salmon call out:

“Keep swimming with us! You can do it!”

And you know they’re scared that they didn’t know you at all.

And maybe they’re scared they might not quite be salmon-shaped either.

Well for me it’s not that the diagnosis* is a surprise as such

But I am surprised how clear it is.

How strong this streak of lightening and fire runs through my life.

So for now I am speaking with my quieter voice and looking with my wilder eyes.

And I am enjoying telling those who understand.

And they say:

“Yes, we know”

“Isn’t it glorious?”

“Welcome home.”

*Autism + probable ADHD

(Here are 5 reasons why the ‘Light it up blue’ campaign to raise ‘awareness’ of autism is a no good, bad thing)

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